The Ballroom

I'm here dancing through the steps, going through the motions hoping I'll get them right this time.

This is my ballroom of life's expectations or should I say my expectations.



Tiptoeing on the edge of disciplinary actions, in a home with an alcoholic dad and a strict mom became a day to day struggle.

As I grew older I would strut around, flaunting the fact to my brother and sister that I had once again used my cunning ways to sidestep getting whipped. Sometimes one of them would be blamed for what I had done.


Just as the fox learns how to do the foxtrott in the hen house to get the prize chicken, I too learned how to trot around the challenges confronting me in order to get what I wanted. Those wants were only based on adolescent desires which I soon learned were fragmented and wrong.







Skirting issues and pretending soon became old hat and as I put on another pair of dancing shoes, I tapped my way into a marriage,to my first husband, that afforded me the opportunity to escape from the home of my childhood. I thought, at the time, with this new home,new chance and someone to really love me I could dance my way into a whole new scene in this journey of my life.

Image via Wikipedia

I see by the clock on the wall that this dancing session has come to an end.
I will be back to tell you of more dance steps I've learned along the many journeys in my life.

Thanks for visiting Me at the Castle. I look forward to your future visits.

The Castle

My life has seemed like a castle with so many rooms to explore. The room of Gladness where joy and hope abound. The room of self-doubt where fears and lack of self esteem reside.

Then I go a little further down the corridor and chance upon a room I very seldom visit. The room of regret and remorse. At first glance I can see a cobweb of delight lingering in the corner saying, "OH WOW, she's come back to pick us up again."

But then I am reminded why I don't come here much anymore so I quickly close the door and amble on my way, for this castle holds so many more rooms to be unlocked and perhaps memories to unfold.

So on it is I go, but oh, alas, what do I behold? Oh yes, it's a mirror afixed upon the door to my next room to explore. I see a foggy haze, perhaps a cloud of gloom and despair awaits inside this room. But to my great amazement and with much delight and joy as I finally find the courage to look within, it is the Lord in this room, abolishing me of all sin and guilt, doubt and despair. It is in this room I long to linger.

And yet Christ says to me "Now that you are walking with me and I with you, there are many more rooms in this castle for you to explore. Ones of Hope, Love, Faith and more and more and more."

So on I go to see what else My Lord has in store for me while in this dwelling place I explore...............Pam Fidler

Bittersweet Joy

I'm glad you've chosen to come along with me to the next room I'm about to enter here at the castle. This room brings bittersweet Joy to me. Before we venture inside I need to linger at the door for a moment or two, while I pause, think and reflect on what we are about to view.

OK, I believe I'm ready now and soon you may understand why I needed to pause before entering this room of Joy. It was only 1 year ago on July 4,2008 that I entered this bittersweet room of Joy when I bid my mom goodbye from this earthly world.




You may be asking how could that possibly bring Joy? The bittersweet part still remains with my longing to hug and hold her again and say "I love you" face to face. The Joy is in knowing that I will one day be united with her again because she was saved by accepting Jesus into her heart as I too have done. Knowing this brings Joy even now as the tears trickle from my eyes.

I will probably revisit this room once in a while; however, as I've mentioned before, there are many more rooms in this old castle to explore. So for now I close the door on this bittersweet room of Joy..........................Pam Fidler

The Chapel Room

Let's put on the robe of rightousness for His name sake for we are now entering the Prayer, Meditation, and Communion with God room...AKA Chapel Room...

I come here on a daily basis seeking guidance, wisdom, direction and that so greatly appreciated unconditional love and acceptance from my Father God.
Sometimes that comes in an ever so gentle redirecting nudge that I may once again step out of the miry clay and set my feet on His rock. Other times I've found myself truly repentent of a wrongful action done or word spoken to someone.

I've found whichever direction the daily conversation in this room with God may take, the destination is always loving, forgiveness from Him when on bended knee I come and with repentance I bow before Him in acceptance of His will and His way for my life

Whichever path, corridor, or room I may be led to, He has assured me He will never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). What a blessed assurance I find that to be as I walk hand in hand with Him on this earthly life's journey.

I pray that each of you will find a Chapel room of your own and enter into that blissful state of communing with God on a daily basis.

Turning Point

I've been wandering up and down this hall for quite some time almost as though I were lost, but then again, not. Which way should I go, which room should I enter today? All of a sudden my eyes gaze upon a sign on the door just ahead of me: The Turning Point. Maybe this is where I can find some answers to my wanderings and at times, weariness. Well, as the saying goes...Here goes nothing, or maybe in my case it could be here comes everything. Enter with me if you'd like.

In the far corner of a bookshelf, in a worn out journal long forgotten from my many years past,the pages tattered and worn, I find these words: Our lives have many ups and downs, Joys and frowns..yet deep within each crying heart is a need to belong...a place to start..to set our sites on Heaven above and to seek His wisdom and His love..to know that as we carry life's baggage around His love and mercy will always abound. He can lift us up and bring us to that turning point in our walk with Him. To know that only through Jesus blood shed for our sins we are made the victors in and through God's mercy and grace.

So as I said when I entered this room, "Would it be here goes nothing or here comes everything?" I've found that in here it did come..that turning point in my life where the wandering is becoming less frequent and the weariness is almost gone. I awaken, turn, and point my way toward Jesus at the beginning of each new dawn. As I place the old journal back on the shelf and walk out the door I stop and say "Thank-you" once more!

The Garden

Today I'm about to enjoy the room that lies beyond these castle doors. The one that has no boundaries of man-made walls. The room of God's great outdoor creations.

My backyard garden sanctuary. As I look around, the chickadees, rosy finches, doves
and other feathered friends are awaiting my arrival knowing I've come prepared to refill their bird feeders once again. As I prepare to do so, I am caught off guard by a glimpse of a fluffy tailed squirrel scampering across the roof of the near by wood shed. He must be looking for more peanuts to quench his appetite. While finishing this everyday feeding ritual, I find myself lingering for a moment to give thanks to the Lord for the privilege of listening to and viewing these intriguing creatures.

There are a number of other tasks needing my attention.. the roses are looking quite lovely which reminds me that a vase of these beauties would


add splendor to the castle's foyer table. Now I'm off to the various other flower and vegetable areas in this great outdoor room. The tomato and cucumber vines are in need of tying up once again so they can stretch upward and grow wonderful fruit to harvest in order to be used in salads and other culinary delights. The patty pan squash, onions, asparagus and beets are all doing quite nicely; however, upon further observation I see hoeing is needed to rid them of the ever dreaded weeds which seem to thrive prolifically.




Once the hoeing is finished I grant myself a rest in the lawn chair by the shade of the big Japanese elm tree. Here I am able to gather my thoughts of how blessed I am to be given the opportunity to be my Lord and Savior's hands and feet to care for a small portion of His wonderful creation here in this great outdoor room.

While viewing the castle I know that I will need to go inside soon as there are many rooms within beckoning me to return. But for now I wish to capture a few more memories while soaking in the grandeaur of my garden sanctuary.. I bid you, my friends, adieu until once again you choose to stop by and visit.






by Pam Fidler

The Sewing Room

Image by notahandbag via Flickr

Today I find myself longing to release the creative talents God has given me. I'm winding my way through the hallway, great-room and kitchen, finally reaching the staircase that leads to my sewing room. It is in this room that I find a venue of release, satisfaction and inner healing while piecing together quilts that bring warmth to a person's body and hopefully when the person or persons they are intended for receive them they will also sense a warmth and comfort from the prayers that are generated as I sew.

My maternal grandmother, who has long since passed on, instilled in me at the age of 8 the desire to do what many people have come to know as crazy patch quilting. From this early interest I began to enjoy creating with fabric. I have branched out to aquire a rather lucrative amount of quilting books and fabric. I even joined the Yellowstone Valley Quilter's Guild a few years ago. I no longer am a member; however, I cherish the time and talents passed on to me by many veteran quilters.

It is on days such as today and many more like it when you knock
on the castle door I will be found in one of my most desirable and
favorite rooms. I would be very pleased to show you around and teach you any number of quilting techniques you might want to learn. To me it is in the sharing, giving, and passing along to others that Love is truly given a chance to grow.
I bid you that choose to leave..goodbye..those who wish to remain
Let's let the creative juices and prayers flow as together we begin to sew.
by Pam Fidler

The Kitchen

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The Castle's surrounding apple trees have been providing a bountiful harvest for quite some
time now. Today I welcome you to the kitchen where all those luscious apples will be
transformed into delectible edibles for neighbors, friends, family, those in need and yes, even for you to enjoy.

Being of German descent, I learned early in life from my 2 grandmothers and mom that
cooking and baking were wonderful ways to express myself creatively. Besides, most
of the time what I helped make tasted pretty good.

Today I am preparing apples for apple butter.. apple cake..apple pie and apple jelly. Some of you by now might be saying, why bother..those things can be bought at the store. Sure, they can be, and sometimes I do buy them, but when God allowed me to acquire the talent to cook and bake and when he has so graciously supplied the produce to me, I feel it would be a shame to waste it. So I continue to peel, core, chop, and measure once more, preparing to bake another cake or pie or some other goodies.

As I escort you to the door, I hand you a delectible morsel and a recipe to take home in hopes that you will try this fun way of creating, and sharing with others in your own little niche of this world.

APPLE BUTTER RECIPE

Ingredients:

5# apples that have been cored and sliced leave the peelings on
2 cups of apple cider vinegar
--------------------------------
Place the above 2 ingredients in a large kettle and let cook on med. temperature until apples are soft using a food mill grinder extract the pulp and place it into a roaster pan...discarding the peeling waste .


Ingredients:
5 cups sugar
1tsp. allspice
1tsp. ground cloves
2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
---------------------------------
Place the above ingredients into the roaster pan with the apple mixture and stir till mixed well
Place the roaster pan into a 300 degree oven ( no lid) and stir each hour for the next 4 hours.
Ladle the hot apple butter mixture into hot canning jars and then put lids and rings on jars and place into the canning kettle of boiling water for 10 minutes ( this is called a hot water bath)
Remove the jars carefully with canning tongs and place onto a bath towel and listen for the lids to make a pinging noise to know that they have sealed properly. Let cool and then store or enjoy on toast etc. right away.

The Attic

As I ascend the winding stairway to the attic...my mind wanders back to the bygone days of my childhood.

I've managed to avoid this room for several years no, however, for whatever reason, unbeknownst to me right now, I'm being led to search through the past in order to move on to a better and brighter future.

Upon entering I see a number of boxes, neatly stacked and
labeled. This one sounds interesting...BABY AND TODDLER
YEARS. Since this might take some time to look through I am
searching for the rocking chair that was put up here some time ago. I might as well be comfortable..

OH WOW!! pictures of my brother and sister and me. Was I
really that chubby as a baby? My brother is two years older and
my sister is two years younger than me but I find I like their
pictures better than my own. As I move on through the album
I find all three of us playing in the snow....snowball fights and
making snow angels...those were fun times, except for having
to wear that bulky bummer of a snowsuit.




Spring has arrived in this next picture and I remember I am
7 yrs. old and it was so much fun to go out horse backriding at our friends' place in the country. As I continue on, I find a picture of me entering school for the first time. The adventures and memories of my school years will have to wait since the clock is telling me it is time to prepare for the Bible Study group meeting at the Castle today. I bid you all adieu for now and I am sure I will return to the attic again soon.

The Attic Revisited ( School Days )

As I promised, I am back in the attic once again going through some more boxes of memories stored away for quite some time now.

Now to get comfortable in the rocking chair and stroll down memory lane:

Orchard School, Garfield School, West High School, all of these school years were a challenge to me as I did not like school that well. We came from a low to middle income family and that didn't sit too well with some of the other students, especially as I entered Jr. High and High School. I am jumping ahead somewhat so let's back up a little and I'll give you a little insight into my younger School years.
==First through Sixth grade:I fondly remember a very nice teacher in my second grade but her name escapes me at the present time and I am unable to find anything in these memory boxes that tells me her name. I remember her being so kind and compassionate towards me and always helping me to feel as though no question was a dumb question.

As I advanced to Sixth grade it became harder and harder for me to socially relate to the other children and I remember not having anyone I could really call a close friend other than a cousin of mine and to me, at that age, that did not really count.

Seventh through Twelfth grade:
I was bussed all the way across town to the ritzy neighborhood school...WestHigh...So much for integration helping us underpriveledged students.(HUH) Oh well, by this time in my life I had learned to pretty much accept our status and the fact that others weren't going to allow me to fit in so I became pretty much a loner.

Oh my, there are some report cards here in this memory box,I actually did pretty well except in History class.( took it over in summer school). I was able to keep the grades up enough to graduate. That was the best day ever when I could leave school behind and enter the real world... or so I thought at that time.

God has seen me through those trying times of school and many other times in my life and I continue to lean on HIM daily.

I hope this has given all of you a little more insight into who this Pam Fidler is and was.

I look forward to you entering other rooms with me here at the
Castle soon.

Bye for now, May the love of Christ surround you in every one of your days!!

Pam Fidler